Finding a way

Quite Chubby!!

2011-03-31T04:58:00.000-07:00

My wife has just informed me that my profile picture shows me as 'quite chubby'. Hmm, well rest assured that I am on a diet and I don't look like this any more - honest. As you can see from my new picture here, you may struggle to recognise me were you to come across me in the street.
The diet is more of a Lenten semi-fast. In my attempt to walk alongside Jesus on the approach to Easter in my very imperfect way I (I should say my wife, friend and I) have pledged to eat healthier meals. In practice that means smaller meals and more headaches. If fasting is supposed to transform us, all I can say is that I am sorry for my churches over Lent. I am feeling either ravenously hungry and clock-watching for the next 'meal' or light-headed and not sure of what I am supposed to be doing. I've not asked for any sermon feed-back of late.
I wonder if Jesus' friends failed to recognise him when he returned from the wilderness
(Matt chapter 4) - perhaps like the two disciples on the Emmaus road who failed to recognise a transformed Jesus. I'm looking forward to Easter Sunday as much as being transformed!
Chubby indeed!

May I sit down please?

2011-03-30T05:49:00.000-07:00

I'm at the District Minister's Meeting (Methodist Minister's Synod for those in the know) and as such it has some quaint ways. One is that ministers can't just retire but have to ask for permission. They call it permission to sit down (presumably from riding one's Methodist horse around the circuit).
One of the retirees (all of which were allowed to sit down by the way - I guess one day we will be refused on account there are fewer and fewer of us now) gave thanks for all those people who had been influential over the years and who had encouraged them and 'I wouldn't be here today had it not been for their support...'.What will people say about us? Encourager? Supporter? Helper? Friend? I am concerned that with our selfish society (and I include our churches here) this vote of thanks is likely to be heard less and less.

Marcus Borg

2011-02-06T08:52:00.000-08:00

I came across this blog concerning Marcus Borg. It struck me because, like the blogger, I too like to read Marcus Borg and find his (and Dominic Crossan's) approach to explaining the Scriptures generally very useful. But then his take on the resurrection is hard to accept. I read one of Borg's books recently when he was talking about St Paul being a mystic which made me wonder about my God. I am looking for more of a real experience of the Trinity via a spiritual encounter. These two - real and spiritual - aren't always happy bed-fellows for most of us. I mean I want to experience God and have a real encounter. Does that mean he has to be physically real or is the spirituality I'm seeking expected to transcend our three dimensional world? Hmmm. Maybe

It's not all bad then...

2011-01-27T02:12:00.000-08:00

There's a lot of bad news in the world and if you're not careful it's easy to become cynical and suspicious of everything and everyone. I saw this story of fair play which challenged me. Having gained a goal in an unsporting fashion, the lucky manager of Borham Wood FC, Mario Noto, directed his team to allow the opposition to score a goal against them. You can see the incident here. See, it's not all bad!

Wally

2011-01-24T23:26:00.000-08:00

I had a dream. Last night I dreamed I was a lift engineer. I shan't say too much more or someone will analyse it and tell me I need a week in the sun due to stress etc. However, it reminded me of Wally. Wally was a friend I knew in Boys Brigade. When I lost contact with him he was training to be a lift engineer. I liked Wally because he was a sincere person. When he was about 19 he believed that God was there but couldn't see him so he set off to find him. He had a brand new Honda 250cc Super Dream so distance was no object and he went to every big Christian meeting he could to find God. I thought he'd give up after 6 months of searching and not finding him but he didn't. After about a year of travel across the country God was still elusive and he was feeling rather low. However, he knew God was there somewhere and he persevered. One day I heard that Wally had 'found God'. Wally was never the same. The last I heard he qualified as a lift engineer. I lost touch when I moved away from London but Wally's searching for God has stayed with me. He doggedly looked for what he could not see and touched the untouchable. God does that.

Last Retreat

2011-01-12T02:25:00.000-08:00

And finally on the retreat...this was my final retreat. You are only allowed to go in the first three years of ministry - then you have to go with the grown ups for much deeper contemplation - a bit like junior school to senior school I suspect. But then I wonder if they will have the same feel. One of the strangest aspects of the retreat was the key. By that I mean there was no key to your room. In fact the only key I saw was in the outside door. Whilst you were kept safe from pirates and marauders from the outside, you had to trust all your worldly goods to the honesty of your companions. If you don't have much to begin with, then you've not got much to lose. I, however, disobeyed the rules (no work to be done - at all!) and took my lap top and did work. It was a peculiar feeling to walk out of the room with lap top and external hard drive and all my work therein, on the bed (it was a small room) and trust the rest not to pinch it. I never thought they would, but it was a strange feeling never the less. On Monday evening I'm leading a service of Christian unity. Somehow I think this story may feature somewhere.

2011-01-11T06:15:00.000-08:00

Never one to make a tradition, the next day I tried the coffee house three doors down. I wish I had gone there first, it being warmer and more friendly. As I settled back and unfolded my newspaper I had this uneasy feeling...I raised my eyes to see the couple come through the door who, yesterday, had been so keen to sit in my chair with me. Now, I was beginning to think uncharitable thoughts like, 'do people who go to more than one church have more than one reserved seat?' and 'were they going to forcibly evict me from this chair as well?' They eyed me closely and had that look in their eyes. I stared back and gave them the Clint Eastwood look - go ahead: make my day. I was up for a fight over that chair and lost my appetite for my morning coffee. They backed off and I claimed the victor's spoils! I wanted to go but felt obliged to remain and make the most of the hard-fought battle of the chair. So I stayed there for a good 10 minutes, keeping a careful eye over the top of my newspaper. Having remained for what I thought was an appropriate time, I got up to go and walked back to the safety of the retreat house. As I walked away I was tempted to look back over my shoulder to see whether they had make a dash for my chair. However, not wanting to be turned into a pillar of salt, I set my face like flint and carried on. I'll never know if they enjoyed the warmth of my seat. It's probably for the best...

On Retreat

2011-01-05T07:11:00.000-08:00

I'm on retreat somewhere in the depths of Yorkshire and it's been an interesting stay so far. First of all, I have to go on this retreat 'cos that's what the denomination tell me I have to do. Well, all the ministers got talking (as they do) about things in their churches. The subject of reserved seats and 'my chair' phenomena came up. There were stories of times long ago when seats were reserved for Mrs so and so or when Mr Thingamy kept losing his chair so he wrote his name on the bottom of it and up-ended anyone he found in it... We wondered whether this was just a church thing or not. We thought it probably was. May I just add this story into the mix:
This morning, I woke up early and walked into town for an early morning coffee and a read of a (good) paper. The young girl, still asleep I fear, opened the doors at 07.02am which is when I walked into her dream and woke her up by ordering a FlatWhite. The coffee shop in question is really quite large and I chose to sit on the right hand side. Nobody else was in the shop. I sat down and began to read. Two other people came in and sat directly behind me, squashing me into the table. 'Strange', I thought, 'there's a whole empty shop here to sit in and they sit next to me'. I subconsciously checked my wallet - yep, still there. Anyway, I shuffled over a bit for more room, but was soon followed by the back of their seat, nestling between my shoulder blades. Had I been a celebrity, I could have understood their desire to drink my coffee and sit on my lap but... well, as it was still early, I felt a call of nature and hoped the usually occupied toilet might be free for once: it was. 90 seconds later, I'm out and feeling like a new man only to find this couple sitting in my seat. See, it's not just in churches that possessive seat hoarding takes place.

A New Year and a few changes

2010-12-31T02:31:00.000-08:00

I hope this new year will be special for us all and that we expect to encounter God in a fresh, new way. I'm not sure what this year will bring for me and the family but I am looking to see God anew and to see lives changed for the better because of God.
In the pages above the blog I will post my diary month by month (as best as I can) so that you can see where I hope to be over the month. Ministers normally don't do this but I believe that I need to be more open and consequently, more vulnerable. My plan is to spend part of each week in each of our churches. This is a departure for me as I like to respond to things as they happen and am not used to tying myself to any particular location or time so please bare with me as I make changes to my normal operation.
If you particularly want me to attend a meeting or event, then let me know. I should already know about it, but there is always a chance it hasn't been noticed - so let me know.
I wanted to get round to visit people more than I have in December but the poor weather has stopped my plans here. Hopefully January will be kinder.
Take care and may we find the Trinity in all that we do.

Is there enough evidnece...? Part 2

2010-12-16T08:15:00.000-08:00

A couple of posts ago I mentioned that I recently had a conversation with someone about mission and evangelism and that we were talking different languages. To help me explain this difference I was reminded of a situation between a senior pastor and his three junior pastors (sorry it's an American story. When will we Brits come up with stories like this?).
The senior pastor of a number of large churches visited three of his junior pastors to make sure they were following the programme that had been set. The agreement was that the churches would pursue a missional focus from now on. The three junior pastors had been working hard to deconstruct their failing structures and to encourage the members to live lives as followers of Jesus and to share the Good News wherever they went. This was no easy task and the congregation were finding great difficulty in accepting that it was their own responsibility to take Jesus out of the church not just the mission team's job. The senior pastor was unimpressed and asked, '...but where are your programmes and projects? All the other churches have projects happening. Get some programmes happening or look for some other church to minister in!'. This was an uncomfortable conversation because from all they had read, they believed they were turning around the tanker and (slowly) becoming missional. Four months later the senior pastor called them in to his office. The junior pastors were being obedient to a missional understanding and consequently they had no fancy project or programme. Although people in the congregations were engaging with God more fully than before and starting 'works of God' in the work places of the non-churched it was not an official programme with budgets and rotas. The three junior ministers were last seen clearing their desks.
Being missional is not and cannot be about programmes and big spends. It's about sharing the encounters you have with the Father/Son/Holy Spirit and living out that relationship. I felt sorry for the junior pastors. If the senior pastor should ever read this blog, I would just like to point him to Alan Roxburgh's book, The Missional Leader. In the introduction (p xv) he writes, 'Just as it's [the church's] Lord is a mission-shaped God, so the community of God's people exists not for themselves but for the sake of God's work. Mission is therefore not a programme or project some people in the church do from time to time; the church's very nature is to be God's missionary people. We use the word missional to mark this big difference.'
For those people interested in church mission in the West, Roxburgh's books are a good entry reader.

Rose Wood

2010-11-17T22:33:00.000-08:00

I woke up at 5 O'clock again this morning. It's becoming a habit, brought on because I am faced with lots of things that I have no control over. Anyway I woke up thinking about Rose. It wasn't a dream but a waking moment if you know what I mean.
Let me take you back to the late 1960s; to Underhill Road in East Dulwich. Rose was a lady we sometimes saw passing the prefab. She was very tall, walked faster than Billy Whizz and always wore a headscarf. She was no Audrey Hepburn, but the type of lady you saw walking up and down our road all the time. She was also a nervous person but the only glimpse you got of that was the rate at which she chewed her gum (Maxi Mint as I recall). She had three children - David, a middle one whose name I can't recall and Wendy who was my age (about 9). I always thought they were lucky because they lived in a real house made from bricks and they had a front room which they never used. Rose was full of life and more energy than a power station and when she looked at you she caught your attention and fixed your gaze. It was like she could see into your very soul. She was more together than my mum and for that I think I admired her. Then one day she lost her sparkle. In hushed tones my mum told me her husband had been run over on his moped going to work. What made it worse, she said, was that he had been run over by a lorry that rolled back on him in a traffic jam. As a 9 year old I agreed that this death was cruel and worse than being killed by a car. I don't think Rose would have agreed somehow.
This morning at 5am I had the overwhelming desire to go back in time and hold Rose's hand. I haven't thought about Rose for 40 years and in the dark of my cold silent bedroom I wanted to travel back in time and hold her hand and tell her it will be alright and things will get better and that Jesus is here to help you and he will restore the years the locusts have eaten and ...I can't. I hope somebody did back in 1969.

Is there enough evidnece...? Part I

2010-11-17T01:33:00.000-08:00

Can I just make one thing clear (please)? Being evangelistic is not the same as being missional. I had a conversation with someone recently and it was soon obvious that we were not talking the same language - more of this later.
However, these are just terms. What is important is our relationship with God and how that is lived out, day to day. When I was growing up and 'learning my trade' in a solid and very sound Baptist church in Bromley, a question was often posed to us teenagers: 'If you were arrested and stood trial for being a Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict you?'
This little question has gone out of fashion now but it is still pertinent and perhaps is worthy of being resurrected. I think it is an important question because it goes to the heart of being missional and I don't think we have ever really come to terms with what it means to live out our lives as followers of The Way. If we had, we wouldn't be writing about what it means to be missional or arguing about the demise of the Church in the West.

Did he really say that ?

2010-11-11T01:26:00.000-08:00

Yesterday saw protests directed against the government in London. Photographs and news reports did not make good viewing. This morning BBC TV broadcast an interview with Professor Martin Povey from University College Union who had participated in the demonstration against increasing tuition fees. He said, 'the atmosphere was absolutely marvelous'. I had to stop and take notice here. He sounded like some World War I general glorying in war although this is unfair in retrospect. He then said, 'we need education. We need a future. I think some people got angry, and frankly understandably so when you see your life being taken away...'
I wonder if the families of dead soldiers would see paying for education as a life or death scenario. I wonder if the soldiers who have no arms or legs due to IEDs and terrorism would see the professor's comments the same way. Come on, Prof. you're supposed to be the cream of the cream. Start thinking of others like these soldiers did, eh.

How good are you at saying no?

2010-11-10T12:33:00.000-08:00

The phone rang and I was busy. Not recognizing the phone number and being intrigued I answered it. 'Hello this is Bob from the Halifax. Can I confirm this is Timothy Moore speaking?' Well, there was no problem with admitting who I was and I thought I might get this testing question right. 'Yes' I confidently replied. 'Are you the Timothy Moore who lives in Shepley?' 'Yes'. 'Can I ask you to confirm your date of birth for security reasons?' At this point and with work pressing on me I felt the need to ask why a stranger purporting to be from a bank (boo, hiss) wanted my date of birth. 'For security reasons'. 'But I know my date of birth. You phoned me, I didn't phone you. Why should I give you my date of birth?' I asked him again. the reply was predictable. By now I'm a bit ticked off. 'Are you selling me something, because I didn't phone you and never asked to buy anything?' 'We do sell products' he said. It was his turn to be confident with his reply. 'Well I don't want to buy anything'. Bob was a tad huffy now and said a curt goodbye and the phone was once again free, as was I to get back to work. I felt bad for not giving my DOB and for leaving Bob on a sour note. Why? It's funny how innocent people can quickly feel guilty for not giving over personal information. It's not as if he had a gun to my head and all I had to do was put the phone down. I used to be good at saying no. What's happening to me? Am I becoming too Christian or just losing my youthful playfulness or something worse?

Services in December 2010

2010-11-09T07:24:00.001-08:00

December 2010

December
5th:   Scholes Communion 10.30am
10th: Scholes: Carols around the Christmas tree 7pm
12th: Shepley Drama 10.45am
        Gatehead Carols and brass band 3pm
        Shepley Christingle service 6.30pm (this is always fun!)
18th: Shepley Cafe carols 6.30pm (a very relaxed family service             with video clips, quizzes and coffee)
19th: Brockholes Communion 10.30am
        Scholes Carols by candlelight 6.30pm
24th: Shepley Village carol service with Shepley Brass band in the village
         Gatehead Christmas Eve service 9.00pm
25th: Shepley a short morning service 9.30am
         Scholes a short morning service 10.30am
26th: NO SERVICES TODAY IN THE CIRCUIT

I'm back !!!

2010-11-09T03:08:00.000-08:00

I thought that with all the changes that are happening it was time I got back to the blog to keep everyone updated.
The story so far...
well, I finished the Masters degree. The dissertation went down well (with some people and I'm sorry to all the Fresh Expressions people who might not have agreed with the research. If you want to know more, just ask me) and I've been asked to give some lectures and to publish some articles although time is a bit short. and I might not do that.
But more importantly, the circuit is moving on and things are changing fast - praise God! The trouble with change is that it is all well and good when it only affects others, 'yes! We need to change!!' The trouble is when it affects you personally :( However I am very pleased to announce that i will now be taking on pastoral charge of two more churches - Wooldale and Brockholes so now I have 5 churches which is much more like the Methodist norm.
I will update the changes when possible on the blog. As I want people to know where I will be preaching I will update the blog in a three monthly cycle. Hopefully the circuit will create its own website and this can revert to a conventional blog again, but until then...

2009-09-06T23:57:00.000-07:00

This has been a bit of a week for remembering. First there was Sept 1st - the outbreak of WWII. Then there was September 3rd, when the allies declared war on Germany. September 2nd was when I made my first career choice - that was in 1985, not 1939 by the way and September 7th 2008 was when I took my first service as a probationer minister in the Holmfirth circuit. So you can see it's been quite a jolt for my 'holiday' brain which is having trouble coming back to reality after a few weeks of R&R. This last year has given me lots to think about and right now God is talking to me about my relationship with him, especially about prayer and my expectations.
I began to think about all the new people who have just started ministry and was wondering how yesterday went with the first service. I expect it was a good feeling and that they probably got something 'wrong'. Communion seems to be my biggest pitfall because when I follow the book I seem to forget something. In the past I have forgotten to take communion myself. Yesterday at the joint Methodist/Anglican Covenant service I served the other three servers with the bread then forgot to give them the wine. I hurriedly tried to make it look like I had planned it that way, but the truth is out! I made (another) mistake. At the end of the service a good friend hurriedly approached me. I thought I knew what was coming and was about to be very honest. 'You've forgotten the offering' she gently told me. Doh!!!
This has been a good year. War has not broken out or even been declared. The congregations have been very generous with their probationer minister for which I am truly grateful. I pray that those starting in new ministries will find the forgiveness and support that I have in the past twelve months and that yesterday was a great day.

That old boot

2009-07-20T01:01:00.000-07:00

I recently had a disagreement with a man over that do or die issue of parking. The problem was that I had parked outside his house and he felt only he should park there. It was the first time I had parked here and was standing across the road for the entire 34 minutes. We exchanged views for about ten minutes and we seemed to be totally incapable of seeing the other side of the argument. He reminded me of an old boot I once had.
I was about fourteen and rather sweet on Katrina, a Canadian girl from my old junior school and I wanted to ask her out. I got the chocolates (Milk Tray) and my mum had just bought me a top from a rather good jumble sale so I was almost ready to knock on her door. I just needed a pair of shoes and had to resort to raiding my dad's wardrobe where the Christmas presents were usually stored. Unfortunately there was no excitement here, just an old pair of winkle picker boots, two sizes too big with the leather sole hanging off. Ever inventive, I rushed up to Mr Williams, the cobbler in Upland Road and asked him to stitch the sole. I only had to wait two days and my boots would be wearable and Katrina would be mine. When I went to pick them up Mr Williams was angry. I mean really angry. In fact he was puffing. 'I broke three needles on that' he said, pointing to the boot which now to my eyes was looking rather like I felt, a deflated balloon. He seemed to go on forever and only after this tirade did he thrust out his hand and demand 50pence (probably less than one needle cost). I didn't understand why this was my fault and asked my mum about it. After telling me not to worry, she struggled to finish off her sentence. 'Well', she added, 'he's got a child who's a bit...a bit..well funny'. It seemed that Mr Williams was not the only one who struggled to communicate. It was strange considering our family had it's share of physical and mental disability. Mum seemed unable to say 'Downs syndrome' and once again I was trying to interpret what someone was saying but having great difficulty.
This had been a difficult week but at least Katrina would be mine. I knocked on her door and we talked a bit. I offered her the chocolates which she accepted and closed the door on me. Maybe she saw the poor stitching on my over-sized boots and thought better of it. Whatever the reason, she didn't fail to communicate her feelings. So long and thanks for the chocolates. I never saw her again.
Even Jesus' communication techniques seem a little obscure with parables that people are incapable of understanding. But with important issues like parking you'd have thought the Lord might have made a concession. It seems these too need to be shrouded in the mystery of God.

Yesterday in church

2009-06-28T23:29:00.000-07:00

We have an annual open air service at one of my churches. Still being new to the ministry means I am constantly asking what has been done in the past (not wanting to reproduce a previous theme if possible) so that we can be fresh and hopefully look at Scripture from a different angle. Yesterday we remembered Gospel stories that were lodged in our memories - perhaps because we were told them in Sunday School lessons or from our private reflections. We then talked to the person next to us and discussed why they were in our memories. We then wrote down the title (like 'woman at the well') and pegged them on a washing line in the church garden. Later the church was the crowd from the Feeding of the Five Thousand (Mark 6 and John 6). I told the story using the congregation who dressed up appropriately as people who may have followed Jesus. We also threw in a few contemporary suggestions like a diver (thanks Roger), policemen and Turkish belly dancer etc. The point was that on the line was our collective memory/history and putting them on the washing line in a roughly chronological order (which was an interesting exercise!) was a pictorial representation of our living history. These accounts were chosen for a good reason and we looked to think where God had been in our lives. Being the crowd (hopefully) fused a new memory of another story but this time we were all together so we now had a collective memory and just as we acted out the story, so we are encouraged to act out the Gospel accounts that are lodged deep within us.
Did it work? I think it did. Would I do anything differently? I used Mackerel for the fish - I'd go to Morrison's earlier next time and get Sardines - they don't smell so much!

who are you?

2009-06-22T09:14:00.001-07:00

As a part of my dissertation I am researching some Fresh Expressions of church. I phoned up someone yesterday who heads up a FE and had a great conversation. Great that was until he asked, '..where do you stand on this...? What's your theology?' Now this is the question I've been dreading. In fact Hazel and I had been talking about this just the day before. I have been doing a lot of talking lately at meetings and churches and have often mentioned my conservative evangelical roots, especially my formative years at Bromley Baptist and Honor Oak Baptist churches. I remember them and the leaders with great fondness, putting me on a very stable road to pursue my christian life. So when someone asks me what my theology is I find it hard to reply. I am now a Methodist minister and have been exposed to a lot of different theologies, from conservative evangelical to pentecostal to Third Wave Charismatic to liberal and that includes the House Church movement and New Frontiers (Heaven help me!).
I told the chap I was talking to that I was probably a Post Evangelical (after Dave Tomlinson's book. He needed some clarification on this which I didn't want to give. I am forever trying to get away from labels because they don't say who I really am. Jonny Baker makes this point on his recent blog. Here he suggests he is more Catholic (I presume it's with a big 'C' 'cos everything he types is in trendy lower case. I expect there is some deep theological reason behind it) than he thought. Today I picked up a book by Rob McAlpine called Post Charismatic? which does a good job of describing me too.
In truth what I have found is that, rather like a bendy bus, I am having to flex and be remoulded rather than try to force God into my pre-determined doctrinal box. This is a painful process and as yet I can't say what I am. Does this make me a wishy-washy Methodist who doesn't know which way up he is or a faithful disciple who is waiting on Jesus for the next instalment to be revealed? Don't answer that!

How much do we change?

2009-06-13T10:58:00.001-07:00

Some years ago I was preparing a sermon when I saw a kestrel swoop down and take a small bird. At that time I felt it was significant for the congregation and I remember saying, 'something like that doesn't just happen when you are preparing a sermon. What is God saying to us...?' Yesterday, I was going over a sermon for one of my services on Sunday when I saw in my garden a kestrel come down and take a small sparrow. It landed ten feet away from me and killed the sparrow. It stood on it for about 30 seconds before flying away. It was a bitter-sweet moment for me because I have been encouraging birds into the garden for ten months and this sparrow was probably one that I have cared for and put out (expensive) seeds and mealworms for. Now it was being killed right in front of me. I was caught between scaring off the kestrel and rescuing the fluffy sparrow or letting the kestrel feed its chicks. In the end, I let the kestrel have its meal and was left with the wonderful feeling of having been so close to a beautiful hawk. Not once did I feel this was a spiritual moment that needed to be relayed to the congregation.
So I am left wondering how much does our relationship with God/spirituality change over time? I'm not sure and right now I don't want to look too hard. It may be that we are changing for the better or we might be too busy to consider where God is.

centenary

2009-06-11T13:49:00.000-07:00

I was invited by one of my schools recently to be at the centenary celebrations. In fact, I was asked to give a short talk which I readily agreed to. It was quite a big occasion with lots of old pupils/teachers attending.
It was a great time and although I messed up blessing the stone (I'll know the next time they ask me to the bicentenial celebration) it was a great. In my short address, I mentioned that the kids coming into the school were like sand brought in by the tide...you know, there's that time when the tide is neither coming in nor going out and that's where the sand is dropped to the sea bed, albeit momentarily. I likened this to the children resting in the safe environment of this very lovely school before they are taken off elsewhere. This is the stone that will be laid in the vestibule although I've not seen it yet.

Sunday School Anniversary

2009-04-26T04:54:00.000-07:00

Just got back from the sunday school anniversary at Scholes. Despite my'poor little old me' of yesterday I had a great time today at church. It's amamzing how being with people who love God and who have a desire to follow him makes all the difference to a day.
Thanks to all those who made today so great...glad I didn't get on that train!

Oh well ... so much for twitter

2009-04-25T13:30:00.001-07:00

This week has not been my best and I could do with jumping on this train and getting away for a couple of days. Still, at least I've started something different and I was looking forward to exploring twitter. However, I logged on today only to find my account suspended and don't know why. I'm at Scholes tomorrow morning for the sunday school anniversary, so it should be good. Can't wait. Not sure I'll bother with twitter though.

Twittering

2009-04-22T01:26:00.000-07:00

I'm leading a mission shaped intro course next week for two circuits and the theme is networking and consumerism. Having looked and adapted the material I am relying on God to make this much more personal. So this morning I came across Twitter. I've got to say, I'm a bit bemused why anyone should want to know what my favourite football team is but it sweems that everyone wants to keep in touch with other people...even those they don't yet know. So, I decided to give it ago. It's easy to join up but my photo won't load yet. If you want to Twitter with me and have a laugh, my twitter address is http://twitter.com/treeswalking. Come on, give it a go!

2009-04-20T01:47:00.000-07:00

On Ash Wednesday I wondered whether Easter Sunday would ever arrive. Well, it did and now it's gone. Apparently yesterday was called 'Low Sunday' in the CofE. I'm not sure why, but it certainly felt flat. Easter was great. We did Tenebrae services in all three churches and even though one was in the day light, it worked well (I used a recording of a heart beat that slowed down to a stop which was quite powerful. I played the second half on Easter Sunday morning where the heart beat starts again If you'd like it, let me know and I'll send it. You can e mail me at revtim@btinternet.com). On Easter Sunday I did a baptism which was a very special privilege...absolutely brilliant. There were lots of people there who weren't familiar with church and I preached on trying not to understand the resurrection scientifically, but open up and experience it instead.
But yesterday was a tough time for me. It felt like an anticlimax and I was quite tired. What do you do when you are knackered and required to lead people onto week 2 of the most amazing event in world history? I did my best and confessed to people over a cup of coffee afterwards that I was a bit out of sorts - nobody seemed to realise and the service went well anyway. Shows how much I know! But back to normailty now. A busy week with lots to do; must find time for God again.

Holy Week

2009-03-31T11:03:00.000-07:00

I posted this last year but thought it was worth posting again. Holy Week and the events surrounding Jesus' last week are often missed in our church calendar because we don't meet every day of Holy Week so we miss important bits. Below is a list of references from Mark's Gospel (courtesy of Marcus Borg & Dominic Crossan) as I thought you might like to follow the story up to Good Friday.

Palm Sunday

Mark 11:1-11

Monday

Mark 11: 12-19

Tuesday (A very busy day!)

Mark 11:20-25 (This picks up from Monday and completes the story. The fig
tree is supposed to be like the Temple).
Mark 11:27-33
Mark 12:1-12
Mark 12:13-17
Mark 12:18-27
Mark 12:28-34
Mark 12:35-44
Mark 13:1-4
Mark 13:5-37

Wednesday

Mark 14:1-11

Thursday

Mark 14:12-16
Mark 14:17-25
Mark 14:26-52
Mark 14:53-65

Friday

Mark 15:1-21
Mark 15:22-32
Mark 15:33
Mark 15:34-41
Mark 15:42-47

Am I part of the problem?

2009-03-31T08:39:00.001-07:00

Once again I have to apologise for not blogging sooner, but Easter has been a very busy time although last week was much lighter for some reason and I had some time to reflect on what I am trying to do. Trouble is that I am starting to wonder what impact I am having. Hopefully it's positive! But I have recently encountered two more people who have fallen or who are falling out of church. One was a man in his thirties - well educated and well schooled in church but said to me that he was struggling with the idea of church and finding it less and less relevant. I fear in a few years he will stop going and will struggle with what it all means. I then had a 'phone call from someone who I had never met. She said that she had heard what I was doing (starting a meeting for people to be much more honest about the way they feel about church and to express their fears about their dwindling faith). She lived hundreds of miles away and had been a life-long church member and had heard of our group. She too was fed up with church and wanted a safe place to say what she felt without being told to pray harder or read her Bible more. As a Methodist minister I questioned whether I am becoming the problem. My prayer is that I am showing people the way to the solution. It made me stop and think; if people who have been part of church for many years are starting to question their faith in this way, how many more people in our own churches are doing the same but don't feel they can voice their fears? If so do I ignore them and hope things will right themselves or do I do something expressly for them but risk opening Pandora's box? I'm still thinking. Will I be able to close the lid on the box if I open it?

Doh!!!

2009-03-03T23:14:00.000-08:00

I'm now 6 months into being a Methodist minister and as usual at the end of each day I look back over it and reflect on how its gone. You know, what went well, what didn't etc. If I am thinking about a lot of things then I sometimes forget things, so reflection is always good. Well, last Sunday was the first in Lent and a communion service. Communion is very special and I always try to get it 'right' and try to strike a balance of propriety and excitement/reverence. It all went well and afterwards I thought that the right balance had been struck and everything was as it should have been. I conducted the service on my own but on reflection I felt I needed some help at the front next time. I went to the person who helped me last time (when I was ill) who was a great help and asked her if she would assist next time. Of course she said and smiled broadly. Then she asked me why I hadn't taken communion this morning...Doh!!! In my concern to get it right and serve everybody I had forgotten myself. 'Don't worry' she said, 'I don't suppose anyone noticed'. Nobody has mentioned it yet, but time will tell.

Ash Wednesday

2009-02-25T14:14:00.001-08:00

I've just come back from an Ash Wednesday service. I have never been to one before and expected it to be the normal type of service 'from the book' but today was different. Earlier, I was looking for material for our Good Friday services and watched a short episode of Dr Who. It made me cry - crikey! What's the matter with me? Then during the service this evening I was overcome with a flash of comprehension of just what Jesus did for me. It was quite shocking, and I cried again. Carefully and thoughtfully I eagerly said the words in the book, '...you create us from the dust of the earth. Let these ashes be for us a sign of our repentance and a symbol of our mortality. May we always remember that by your grace alone we are given eternal life...' I've stopped crying now.

2009-02-24T15:24:00.000-08:00

Well, that's it then. We had a great night talking about church and what it means to be afraid. We chatted for two and a half hours and ate pancakes and chocolate. We used up most of the flour and eggs, ready for Lent tomorrow. Then, when everyone had gone I poured my last cup of coffee for 46 days and drank it very slowly. The thought of not having a coffee until Easter is a little daunting (of course, if I want I can have a coffee on Sundays as these are feast days and don't count towards a fast). I'll let you know how I get on. Am I afraid? Just a bit.

2009-02-05T09:00:00.000-08:00

I went on a structured retreat recently and we did this exercise. It was quite interesting and I ended up thinking hard on the result. You might like to give it a go. Find a quiet place away from everything for fifteen minutes and follow the instructions. If at any time you feel uncomfortable, please stop. Someone can read it to you or you can remember the steps, close your eyes and see what happens...

Imagine that there is a sculptor who is working on a statue of you behind the locked door. He gives you the key to the door so you can look at it. You unlock the door and the sculpture is in the middle of the room covered with a cloth. you walk up to it and take off the cloth. Step back and have a look at it. What's your first impression? Are you pleased/disatisfied? Study all the detail of it. What is it made from? How big is it? Walk around it and see it from different angles. Touch it. Is it rough or smooth? Which bits do you like and dislike?

Now become the statue. What does it feel like to be the statue? What kind of existence do you have as the statue?

Imagine that Jesus comes into the room. How does he look at you? What do you feel like when he is looking at you? What does he say to you? What do you say back to him? After a while he goes away. Now return to yourself. Look at the statue again. Is there any change in the statue? Is there any change in you or your feelings? Now say goodbye to your statue. Take a minute and open your eyes.

2009-01-27T01:01:00.000-08:00

Back in September when I was a very new minister (unlike now), I mentioned that I was struggling with people's perceptions of a person wearing a clerical collar (see The Collar). I left it with the question, 'so do I persevere with this collar or do I bow to public opinion?'
Well, I'm still not sure what to do. There are times when my churches expect me to wear it, but what of people outside the church? I was talking someone recently who was a little surprised that I would consider not wearing it. 'After all, you do represent the presence of God in the community...don't you?' At this point, a skip load of theology came into my head. You know, the priesthood of all believers and all of that. Supposing all those professing to follow Jesus considered themselves as the presence of God in the community. I think that would make a much bigger difference than my plastic collar. The Methodist Church certainly believes that we all have our part to play. The Methodist Worship Book states, 'All Christians are called through their Baptism and by the hearing of God's word to ministry and service among the whole people of God and in the life of the church and in the life of the world'. So can I take it off? Not yet...

Funny

2009-01-22T11:16:00.000-08:00

This link from asbo jesus made me laugh. I have to admit, sometimes there is a (self-imposed) pressure to come up with something new at every service...

2009-01-22T10:49:00.000-08:00

Sorry it's been a while since I last posted but I have been a little poorly lately - and it's the first bout of illness I've had as a minister. In fact, it's the first bout of illness I've had for a long time. So what does a new minister do when they are ill? Do they phone up the night before the Covenant service and tell the Superintendent that they are ill? I suppose I could have done that, but I didn't think she would be too impressed and if I was going to cry off, then I should have done it earlier. But as I didn't, I thought I had better just get on with it. This was fine until half way through when it came to leading the service by saying the covenant...I felt very light-headed and faint. I was glad for the lectern which held me up quite nicely. I was also very glad of my communion steward who led me through communion and reminded me that I needed to kneel down to receive the bread and wine. I'm not sure how the service ended but I think it was OK. My problem is that I enjoy what I do so much. Coupled with the fact that it was the covenant service, meant that I was compelled to be there. After all it is a most wonderful service.
Am I indispensable? No. Do I feel that I have a responsibility to small congregations who are paying a lot of money toward my stipend? Unfortunately, yes. I'm on the mend now but not so sure that I'll do it differently next time...

Philip Pullman

2009-01-03T13:55:00.000-08:00

I'm just finishing the Philip Pullman trilogy, His Dark Materials. They are children's books but seem to have grabbed people's attention. Even my good friend Jean who is nearly 80 has had a go at reading one of them. Ordinarily I wouldn't have contemplated reading children's books like this. It's a strange mixture of science, modern and post-modern thought added with some over active imagination and a large lump of pick and mix theology. I was prompted to have a look as a result of a theology book about being human by Jane Craske. I'm either very confident in my faith or way off beam...but it has made me question just how much of an athiest he is.

2009-01-03T06:28:00.000-08:00

This is my local Anglican church and I love to worship here - sometimes. After all, I am a Methodist minister so 'sometimes' is OK. But I was walking past at Christmas and thought how nice it looked and I saw this sign outside. Actually, this sign is often out, inviting people in to spend time with God. But I did have to ask myself the question, 'why is God more in the building than outside?'. I took Ruby in (my errant dog) this week and prayed in the front pew. It was a good feeling, but I don't believe in a God who sometimes comes down and intervenes and sometimes doesn't. I believe in a God who is always there and I don't have to invoke him - just find him. So why do I think that in this Church I sometimes feel closer to God? Monks sometimes called these places where we feel closer to God as 'thin places' where the gap between heaven and earth was narrower than other places. What say you...?

A Day Off

2008-12-28T11:47:00.001-08:00

As I'm a probationer, the Methodist Church has ordained that I have a Sunday off after Christmas - even if I don't want it. So we decided to visit some very good friends in Hexham. After some careful consideration we worshipped this morning in Hexham Abbey. The building was fabulous; very old with a long history of abbey-style worship.

There was much that caught my attention, but Hazel pointed out the opening pages in the hymn book, 'Hymns Ancient and Modern'. It said, Military similies and triumpahalism have been taken out. All too often texts advocating spiritual warfare are used to justify the self-seeking ambition behind temporal conflict. Christian "triumph" is surely the triumph of love'. The Methodist hymn book will soon be subject to the same treatment.

This made me think of WWI and WWII and many other conflicts. Perhaps if we were under threat from an invading army about to do terrible things to our children and families we wouldn't be talking like this, but rather about fighting for freedom to proclaim the Christian message. Then I remembered a sermon (very rare indeed!) where the preacher suggested that if all the Christians prayed instead of fought, war might have been avoided.

But then I looked around the Abbey. There was a stained glass window devoted to the RAF and hung from the arches were battle banners and coats of arms bearing symbols of war adorned the walls. As I type, the news on the radio is telling of Israeli air strikes against Palestine.

Are Christians hypocritical? I think not, but we are confused about our faith and doctrine. We talk about love but in our hearts that love is drowned out by the drums of war. I'm not criticising anyone here, but reflecting on the Biblical themes which become - for want of a better word - fashionable. Sometimes being a pacifist is fashionable. At other times laying down one's life in war is what is desired. I don't think we are two-faced, just fail to understand who God really is and what he really wants from us.

A third Christmas thought - the main course!

2008-12-26T06:14:00.000-08:00

There have been times when I have taken Christmas services when a thought has momentarily come into my head - do you ever have them? They come from nowhere and like an irritating wasp, hang around for a while before disappearing forever.

When we were singing the carols about the angels and reading the Christmas story, I thought, 'wasn't this a bit over-the-top - you know all these myriad angels singing and then Gabriel coming out of heaven to talk to sinful people?' Not only that, but the Magi turn up having travelled for who knows how long just to worship the baby and offer their gifts. We don't even know how long they stayed or how many there were, but they were influential people and it caused a bit of a stir with king Herod, so they must have been 'heavy weight' men of power. These players are in the story to make a point.

I think though, that the wise men, angels and heavenly host were minimal players in the story compared to Jesus. Just think of it - God comes to mankind in the form of a human, leaves heaven, loves everyone he meets, encounters everything that's not good head on, directly confronts the political system and its rulers and ends up dying for his enemies and so the course of the world is changed once and for all and everyone's life can be redeemed. Somehow, when thought of like that, the angels are an aperitif. Jesus really is the main course.

Another Christmas thought

2008-12-17T13:47:00.001-08:00

As I settle down to being a minister (noun),I am discovering what it means to minister (verb). I have either taken or been part of so many services that I am sick of my own voice. Last Sunday, after my fourth service that day I didn't want to speak another word - ever. Which reminded me of Zechariah. Luke tells it so benignly, 'They realised he had seen a vision in the temple, for he kept making signs to them but remained unable to speak' (Lk 1:22). Why didn't Zechariah just write in the sand? (probably because there might be too many parallels with John 8). Well, whatever the reason he tried to tell those waiting outside, but how do you communicate that an angel from God has told you a miracle will happen and your old wife is going to fall pregnant but without any words? It struck me that although Jesus is the light of the world sometimes we still can only see gestures and certainly not the full story - a bit like a prophet playing charades with us but using a language we don't know. Even at this time of year with a clear message about salvation, we still need faith. There's no substitute.

Some Christmas thoughts...

2008-12-05T00:50:00.000-08:00

As we approach Christmas, I'd like to post some thoughts about the Christmas story. Let me know what you think...

In the story that Luke tells us I was struck by a few things. The first was that we start with Zechariah and Elizabeth who, like their son, John the Baptist, are an introduction to Jesus. It occurred to me that when Zechariah goes into the Temple to meet God, everybody else is outside the Temple. And when Zechariah meets the Angel of the Lord, something very special happens; in fact it's the beginning of the end. Here, the walls of the Temple start to come down. When the Angel meets Zechariah he is announcing that the separation of 'those out there from us in here' will very shortly end. The baby in the manger will leave open a gateway so that we no longer need special people to meet God for us, but we can meet him ourselves.

Hope

2008-12-01T02:28:00.001-08:00

I was out with my cake-stealing dog this morning and it was very cold. We walked across the fields, said hello to some other dog-walkers and enjoyed the fresh morning. Unusually, I didn't sink up to my knees in the mud. The earth was frozen solid and the grass was white with a very hard frost.

Despite the cold weather and the economic gloom, Christmas still seems to invoke a feel-good emotion for most of us. I don't know what it is about that Christmas feeling, but it always asks us to imagine something better than we've currently got. It asks us to think of a time when circumstances could be better and suddenly we are dreaming about snow on the ground and happy families; grandads laughing with the kids and a large (perfectly cooked) turkey in the background.

Christmas seems to invoke the spirit of God who wants more for his children - not more money or things, but a better way of life coming out of a relationship with the baby in the manger, then the man, Jesus. As if Godis saying in true story book style, 'Come in and know me better'.

As I was thinking about this, it started to snow big heavy flakes. I thought this might be a taste of things to come. That's what Christmas seems to be telling us: there is something more and we find that 'something' in the manger. Suddenly it doesn't have to be in the future, it can be right now. I love Christmas.

Go 'round

2008-11-29T02:35:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago I had an oblique encounter with God. Normally when I walk the dog we go straight across the recreation field and follow the footpath straight across the field then walk along the pavement past the church (spend a few minutes praying) then back home. But this particular day, I felt God say, 'go 'round the rec'. So I did, after all it wasn't going to hurt was it? Then we came to the field and I felt God say, 'don't walk straight across but go around the field'. So I did. Was I going mad or was this oblique message really from God? Not being direct is not really who I am but I felt it was a message.

When I got back home I had a rather angry person on the phone and we saw things from two very different angles. My natural inclination? Be direct! This morning, I took a long time talking to them, going around the situation and explaining my thoughts, going around (not directly to) my point of view.

I am finding that being very gentle with people - especially when they want me to do things I really can't - is the best way to be. It takes a lot longer and needs much more patience but so far walking around the fields and not through them has been a good lesson.

It was my birthday today

2008-11-24T14:02:00.001-08:00

Today was my birthday. This is my dog, Ruby. This is my birthday cake. In true Robert Robinson style, 'what's the connection?'

Well, as you can see I only have half a cake. The other half was enjoyed by Ruby (in secret in the kitchen whilst it was on the cooling rack). And for a full three points what's the theological connection? Answer - Advent. Ruby just couldn't wait!

findingaway

2008-11-22T03:19:00.000-08:00

So how am I finding my way as a new minster? Well, if you ask my wife, she'll tell you (probably) that I work too hard but then she'll also tell you that I'm thoroughly enjoying every second. I love the people I meet and I am starting to glimpse what God already knows and that is the great potential we all have to share the Good News and see people changed through their relationship with a risen Jesus.

But I have to admit that I'm feeling the pressure especially with college work. I think I've taken on a bit too much work. At the moment I am writing one assignment, doing the reading for the pioneer work in January and trying hard to get my dissertation proposal in as well as leading up to Christmas and trying to make every service special and with an added 'something special'. It's not a straight road by any means. Yet, all this is really not worth mentioning compared to what Paul suffered for the Gospel (see 2 Cor 11:23-28) and I can't help feeling that a bit of perspective is good. How is it going? Absolutely marvellous!

That woman again...

2008-11-20T09:52:00.000-08:00

So, having preached about this woman who confronts Jesus and his mission, the next day I was similarly confronted. I received a 'phone call from a person who asked to use one of my churches. 'No problem' says I and I then begin to say when I can take the service. The caller stops me and explains that they want to take the service without me. I was a little taken aback and explained that I had a policy that I would conduct all such services in (my) church. This was a hard thing for this person to hear, especially when they were in a highly charged emotional state. I sympathised and suggested some other places they could call to have their service.

As I put the 'phone down, my wife looked at me and reminded me of the sermon I had preached (thank God for wives!) and that I had actually said that Jesus laid down his policy and put people first. I phoned the caller back and they used the church - without me. Did I feel good? I wish I could say I did, but I didn't. Was it the right decision? Yes. It's a shame that learning is still a painful experience.

Thank you

2008-11-08T00:45:00.000-08:00

Cramped in that Funnelled Hole

Cramped in that funnelled hole, they watched the dawn
Open a jagged rim around; a yawn
Of death's jaws, which had all but swallowed them
Stuck in the bottom of his throat of phlegm.

They were in one of many mouths of Hell
Not seen of seers in visions, only felt
As teeth of traps; when bones and the dead are smelt
Under the mud where long ago they fell
Mixed with the sour sharp odour of the shell.

Come on in

2008-11-06T09:55:00.001-08:00

Welcome to one of the warmest, friendliest places I know - my library. Herein reside the loveliest people - Alma, Wendy and Jude to name but a few - there are more! This library does more than issue books. It is physically warm and you always get a smile when you walk in. The staff provide a space for anyone to come in and enjoy the atmosphere. People turn up and are instantly adopted for the time they are there. In fact, they recently won a Kirklees award for customer excellence (no surprise). Their medal is on the window sill. Tomorrow I shall be there to drink in the atmosphere and the free coffee and tea they supply on Friday afternoons. It's a chance to sit and chat with friends - people you don't yet know - honest! I try to be there on Friday afternoons if I possibly can. See you there?

2008-10-31T03:32:00.000-07:00

Am I the only one who finds Halloween the most ridiculous thing in the world for churches to be involved in (actively or passively)?

Just recently I have reviewed our Safeguarding policies. Everything we can possibly do to create a safe environment for our children and vulnerable people is considered and where possible we make and maintain that safe space.

So then along comes Halloween when we play with the thought of rotting bodies and demon-possession and not only encourage our children to think there is no harm in this (ask people who have dabbled with Ouija!) and then tell them to knock on strangers' doors and ask for something that they will put in their mouths. I know the Church's job is to reach out to those who others might not, but really...

The Canaanite woman

2008-10-31T02:52:00.000-07:00

This preaching thing has really got to me. So much in fact that I abandoned the assignment I was going to do for college and instead I''ll do this one; 'Critically analyse the role of preaching in contemporary society'. Hopefully I'll do justice to my feelings on this.

However, I am still preaching. Last time I preached it was from Matt 15:21-28 the Canaanite (Syro-Phoenician) woman. I have grown to truly love this narrative - not so much for what Jesus teaches in it but for what Jesus learns and is confronted by. I mention this sermon (albeit briefly) because of what happened to me afterwards, and I will post that soon.

This nameless woman lays at Jesus feet a number of contradictions and asks that he deal with them. First Jesus is in enemy territory and an enemy approaches God incarnate (what sort of enemy can God have?). Then she cries out, 'Lord, Son of David' two phrases which don't go together - the Gentile name for Jesus (Lord) and the Jewish name (Son of David). At this stage these are in contradiction but soon to be reconciled. Third, she throws down in desperation the problem of heaven and hell. She appeals to the Lord (heaven) that her daughter is demon-possessed (hell). It's like she is saying, these two cannot exist side by side. The fourth contradiction she asks Jesus to resolve is how can you be be on a mission to Jews alone when I am here with my heart of faith?

And then Jesus stops...the silence is deafening and it's as if he asks the rhetorical question (I don't think he is talking to the woman or the disciples - perhaps to the other two members of the Trinity but that's conjecture!).

When I preached this, I said that Jesus has a choice - 'do I stick to the plan/programme or do I listen to this woman's breaking heart of faith?' It's a seminal moment and a forerunner to Pentecost and Acts 10 with Peter and Cornelius.

I rounded off the sermon but won't do here 'cos that's your job! However, it's one thing preaching about something but when it directly affects you the next day, God's at work. I'll let a few days pass before I post more on this...

I don't need God, but then again...

2008-10-25T02:31:00.001-07:00

I've just been talking to a friend about being a good person and what that might mean; we didn't talk for long about it! I was wondering whether we spend time thinking about this or whether we just get on with life and not worry about it too much any more. The pace of life is fast and many of us don't have time (or give ourselves time) to think about how others might see us or what we might really be like. I've just finished Douglas Coupland's Life After God which I thoroughly recommend. He takes you on an adventure and you are an invited voyeur into his life's journey so far. Almost at the very end of the book he says this,

'Now - here is my secret: I tell it to you with an openness of heart that I doubt I shall ever achieve again, so I pray that you are in a quiet room as you hear these words. My secret is that I need God - that I am sick and I can no longer make it alone. I need God to help me give, because I no longer seem to be capable of giving: to help me be kind, as I no longer seem capable of kindness; to help me love, as I seem beyond being able to love'.

I am told the picture here is genuine - that these workmen really did cement themselves into a corner. How long will it be before they try to find a way out?

Wake up Rip Van Winkle!

2008-10-20T06:18:00.000-07:00

I have always been concerned that when I became a minister, I'd be so consumed with church life that I'd miss what was going on outside the walls of the church. Today, I thought that I'd been asleep and then woke up suddenly outside Salisbury's having missed the world and the last thirty years.

We had just arrived in Huddersfield (it was my day off) to do some important shopping. Coming out of Salisbury's car park my wife got me by the arm and said, ' Now don't wander off '. I smiled and joked that I hadn't lost my marbles yet ( I was going to suggest that she sew my name into my coat in case I got lost, but thought better of it). Having managed to buy nothing except a bucket full of coffee in McDonalds, we went back to Salisbury's to do some food shopping. My wife then gave me a task to do so that I wouldn't interfere with her routine - I had to find something nice for lunch - she thought I'd probably manage that. By this time I was beginning to feel very old but said nothing. Finally on our way out, I said that the coffee was making its presence known and I just needed to pop to the loo before we set off for home. She looked at me with pitiful eyes and said, ' do you need to go again? Are you all right?' I reassured her that my prostrate was fine and just to prove it I drove home without visiting the toilet. I managed to get home without any 'upsets'.

Made me think though...how do people see me? Crikey!! time for some serious thought! I'd love to write more, but nature calls...

What is it about the communion table?

2008-10-18T03:06:00.000-07:00

On the second Sunday of the month at one of my churches we have an evening Communion service. Now, to be truthful, my tradition is that Communion is important but really hasn't dominated our life. My background is that this is a remembrance service and that the 'real presence' of Jesus is no more here than at any other service. As time has gone on, I genuinely believe that God is everywhere and in everything I am involved with, so I have not looked to find Jesus in the bread and wine any more than in an all-age worship service.

However, these evenings at church have found about ten of us sitting around the communion table in a very intimate setting and I have wanted to engage with Jesus here more than usual. In fact I have been looking for the presence of God. Last Sunday we sat around in a horse shoe shape and we lit three candles to remind us that the trinity is here and I felt it was right to be honest with everyone there. As I made myself vulnerable by saying a few things about myself, it felt like I was making myself vulnerable to God at the same time. I openly said that I wanted more of God and that there is a yearning in my spiritual life because I was pursuing God. The phrase that lives with me day by day is, 'there must be more to life than this Lord'. I am looking for the real presence of God.

And so I said that having had a car accident about five weeks ago my back was injured and I was in considerable discomfort. I couldn't stand for long, sit for long or drive for long. Sleeping was in three hour spurts before I was woken up by the pain and had to stretch my back. I was tired.

I sat in the centre of the horse shoe and people prayed for me and for others who were in pain - whether physical or emotional.

It has been six nights since then and I have had the slept really well. Better in fact than before the accident. I wouldn't say that I am healed completely, but I had nine hours sleep last night - previously unheard of.

What is it about the communion table that can make such a difference? Is God more present here than at other times or is it that we give him more attention and are more focused? My view at the moment is the latter. If that's the case, then there really is no limit to what we can expect.

My first...

2008-10-17T15:08:00.000-07:00

I took my first funeral today.

It was sad.

Be prophetic. In other words...

2008-10-15T00:17:00.001-07:00

The Christian Church used to have a lot to say about life, the universe and everything and every now and again someone will come up with the real meaning of life. Sometimes it's 42. Sometimes though it's a mixture of answers, usually depending on what crisis a community/group/location is going through andChurch history is a testimony of that . However, lately the Church has been silent on the big issues. Not long ago Rowan Williams made a very controversial comment which seemed to touch all the rawness of our society's sensitivities. Afterwards it felt like we retreated from the public sphere to go back to Church and not bother the world again with our thoughts. I thought it was also interesting that a BBC poll asked people how influential the Archbishop of Canterbury was and many had no idea of who he was which was a shame considering he is such a clever man.

It occurs to me that over the next few years the Church has an ideal opportunity to make a positive impression in the lives of people and we are in a time when we might just be listened to. As we find ourselves in a position where many people have no idea of the Gospel, let alone who who Rowan Williams is, we have a chance to start again and to be a prophetic voice. The Western world is in economic free-fall; people's savings have been wiped out on the stock market and those wanting to buy a pension right now face a future of economic uncertainty...they are in serious trouble.

In other words how many of us have the front to preach Hope? To announce with certainty and love that Jesus and not money is the true hope for our future? That living in the palm of God's hand is a safer place to be than in the sea of falling share prices? And how many of us will put our money where our mouths are and live out our love in a practical way by walking with people who right now feel they have no hope at all? It's a wonderful opportunity that we have right now - to be the people of God. But will we take it?

A bit scary

2008-10-13T02:50:00.000-07:00

The last few weeks have been very busy and so having to go back to college was the last thing I wanted to do: too much to do here, too many people who need to be seen. All in all it's been a bit scary trying to find my feet and what will and won't work with the people God has given me to love. Having landed at Cliff College last Monday morning all that was on my mind were my three churches and the church councils which I needed to prepare for and couldn't. I wasn't happy with my preaching style (and still stung by the comment about not preaching opinions)all I wanted to do was address myriad issues. On top of all that the college module was one that I didn't want to do. The module on Celtic spirituality was what I wanted to read about but that wasn't until November and the timing meant that I would have had to do two modules at once. I know I'm OK at getting things done, but that would have stretched me, especially over Christmas.

But having got to Cliff College everythging changed. First of all, it's an excellent place for academic study. Secondly it gave me some time out to think more objectively about Church and more specifically, my three churches. Thirdly though, it was very affirming. I have found that the last six weeks have been very lonely in that it's hard to share my thoughts with people (they can be a little unusual for some - I am after all reading about Emerging Chruch) but at Cliff it was like God was saying, 'Tim, that feeling you have about this and that really isn't so strange after all'. I took the first morning prayers and suggested that we could be free in our prayers to God even if we didn't feel we could be free with each other and I gave some personal testimony. It seemed to resonate with the other students.

Having returned now to chuch life I'm glad I went. It was freeing and liberating even if it was a bit scary - a bit like trying to follow Jesus really.

Does it make a difference?

2008-10-05T09:40:00.000-07:00

What sort of person are you? Do you enjoy doing things like making an airfix model or building a doll's house just for the fun of it or does what you do have to have a definite purpose? I'm one of those people for whom whatever I do, it must have a reason - it must benefit someone (else) otherwise it fast loses its fascination and I fast lose the will to live. I'm currently thinking about my dissertation and I can't just write something with the purpose of getting through - it must be of practical value to someone else.

So as a new minister, I am constantly trying to do things that have most value. Time is very short for so many things, so I rationalise all the things I do. Now this may not the best way of going on, but for now its the best way for me. I sat down last week and worked out that my sermon construction will have to speed up. My problem (well, one of my problems) is that sermons don't sit on a shelf waiting to be plucked from an index box. Every one is crafted from deep within me with a specific congregation in mind and preaching three times on a Sunday is very draining. But with so much time and energy going into them, they have to make a difference to at least one person. My thinking right now is that sermons are not to tell people the 'right way' of living, but to present my paradigm of the work of God in our lives and asking them to consider what God might be saying to them. Someone recently told me that we should not be preaching opinions but the Gospel. In an age when institutions are held in the utmost suspicion and the Chruch especially has lost almost all credibility with the vast majority, preaching my opinion seems to be the best way of making headway. Now, this may sound wooly, but I assure you it's not. I live and breathe for God and the Trinity means everything to me. But people seem to be on a spiritual search; they need to make sense of the trials and tribulations that life throws at them. In short, they seem to be asking 'what does it mean to be human?'. Asking a question no longer means expecting an answer, but is an invitation to engage in a conversation and sermons are anything but that. My desire is to have a 'service' and to have a conversation with the 'preacher' and ask them why they believe what they are saying and discussing what that might mean as Jesus comes alongside us. When I listen to sermons I often want to ask, 'are you qualified to talk like that?'. Are we able to hear the voice of Jesus in a service? Maybe that's the goal of preaching but it means creating a space for God to be heard; to be able to feel the warmth of God's breath on our neck as he whispers the deep secrets of eternity into our souls.

Whatever I do it has to make a difference, but then it's not me who makes that difference; it's God and we are fast coming to the idea that we need space to understand the whispers of a passionate Father and usually services don't provide that. We can no longer convince people of the need for God, they have to discover it themselves themselves.

Harvest

2008-09-27T08:33:00.001-07:00

As I take services I will post anything which I think might be useful...Last Sunday I took the Harvest service. We did the parable of the sower in the morning (of course) and what the soil meant in the evening.

The morning was a family service so I used a 'magic bag' and a puppet of a bird. I told the parable of the sower using a story bag (you can get this via the story bag link via http://www.decadeministries.co.uk/). This bag has the story of the soil, birds eating the seed, the sun, thorns and harvest. As you tell each bit, you turn the bag inside out and miraculously you get a different picture so telling the story in an interesting way. The kids seemed quite unimpressed but it created a lot of interest amongst the adults.

In the story, I skipped over the birds but mentioned that in the hymn we had just sung, 'we plough the fields and scatter' it mentions that God looks after the birds and that God looks after the sparrows (Lk 12:6-7). Then as I was talking, Hazel made a bird puppet come up over the pulpit behind me and throw seed across the front row. We had a discussion about birds and that it was not the birds' fault for eating the seed, but people's hard hearts were the real problem.

It went well - puppets usually do!

Preaching twice

2008-09-27T08:11:00.000-07:00

I have heard people talk about the difficulty of preaching twice on a Sunday. I have never thought this was a problem - eventful, yes; problematic, no. But I am beginning to change my mind. It's not the preaching or taking three services on a Sunday (I did this recently) but how do I relate what I preach to people I don't yet know? Whenever I preach it's always from deep within me. It comes from deep down and can take two weeks to develop from an idea into a beautifully formed work of art. I no longer have this privilege. On one particular Sunday I took two communion services at different churches. On both occasions as soon as I arrived, I realised that what I had prepared was inappropriate for the congregation. Do I carry on regardless or do I change it 'on the hoof ' ? What do you think? Well, I changed both services as I went along. Did anyone see the join? I don't think so, but it totally drained me as I tried to adapt what I had prepared for the people in front of me. 'Didn't God give you the services?' I hear you cry. Well, it's not what one gives, it's how one presents it - same message, but different delivery. I can see Sundays are going to be 'eventful' for some time.

The Collar

2008-09-18T06:46:00.000-07:00

When I was a policeman, a collar was something quite different. Being a young policeman meant the more collars you had, the better you were and I was quite good at getting them. However, arresting people soon lost its appeal and I got promoted. I felt very proud walking down the street looking at the stripes on my arm in the reflection of Tesco's window. So you can see that wearing a uniform is not new to me. Armed with my 20 years experience of uniform wearing, I went into Holmfirth this week - complete with traditional black shirt and dog collar. Hmm. 'Something not quite right here' I thought; it's like they know I was a policeman. People didn't want to catch my eye. They looked the other way in the shops and even stepped into the road and one woman seemed to try to walk on the white lines in the middle so that I could pass on the pavement unhindered. 'Hmm' I thought again, 'must be an armed robber behind me'. Nope, just me on the pavement and a woman behaving as if I was an anthrax carrier. If I have made the move from him who locks you up to him who helps to set you free, why don't people know? So, do I persevere with this collar or do I bow to public opinion?

A New Start

2008-09-16T12:43:00.000-07:00

Hi, what follows will be my journal which will record the highs and lows of being a new Methodist minister. I've just finished the first part of my pre-ordination training and I've been placed in the Holmfirth Circuit in W Yorkshire. My hope is to record as accurately as possible (bearing in mind people's feelings) what it has been like to have pastoral charge of three churches and how together we manage mission. Coming from London (via North Derbyshire) I'll also be reflecting on the cultural differences - there have been many already! I hope you enjoy reading it. Please feel free to contact me about anything I mention and let me know what you think. Right now, my hope is that Jesus bursts out of the pages on our Bibles and we start to see him for who he really is - missional; incarnational and loving. Time will tell.